


The Greatest Lesson

by AuthorToBeNamedLater



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorToBeNamedLater/pseuds/AuthorToBeNamedLater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Qui-Gon saved his best for last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greatest Lesson

**Author's Note:**

> The Qui-Gon feels in my last fic were rather popular. So here's a story FULL of them.
> 
> Like most Star Wars fans I've spent the last...20 years or so feeling like Qui-Gon's death scene is a little hollow. Especially when the respect and affection between him and Obi-Wan is so obvious throughout the movie. So this is my long-overdue fix-it. I took a long time to finish this because my computer kept crashing and deleting the second half of the story, and I wanted to get Qui-Gon's speech just right. I'm still not sure I'm satisfied with how it came out.
> 
> I've taken the details about Qui-Gon's first Padawan from the Jedi Apprentice series by Jude Watson. I know it's not canon anymore but it's all we've got for now. And I liked those books so they'll always be canon for me :).

Jedi Master Sheena Jarbrui roamed the halls of Theed Palace looking for one Obi-Wan Kenobi. The palace was huge, and Obi-Wan had managed to ensconce himself in some corner that Sheena hadn’t found after two solid hours of searching. She’d tried comming him, but his communicator was off. She’d even tried to sense him, but he was either too far away or had his shields up so tightly that no one could find him.

Obi-Wan probably didn’t want to be found. Sheena was going to find him anyway. She hadn’t spent the first several years of her knighthood as an investigator for nothing. If the situation were reversed, Qui-Gon Jinn wouldn’t have rested until he found Sheena’s Padawan. Qui-Gon’s funeral was in a few hours; his apprentice couldn’t have gone far.

_Qui-Gon’s funeral._ The tall, blond-haired Jedi felt something tighten in her chest at the thought. Qui-Gon Jinn had been one of her closest friends, and her former Padawan Tessara Ranyar one of Obi-Wan’s. If Tessara were like Sheena’s daughter, Obi-Wan was like her son.

Sheena decided to search the area around the funeral pyre. Maybe Obi-Wan would be there paying his respects.

Turned out Sheena didn’t even need to go that far. She turned a corner and found her target standing on a balcony, hands braced on the railing and head bowed.

“Obi-Wan?” Sheena called softly.

Obi-Wan’s head snapped up and he turned around. “Master Sheena,” he breathed.

Sheena rushed forward and grabbed her old friend in a tight hug. “Oh, Obi-Wan,” she murmured into his ear. “I’m so, so sorry, honey.”

Obi-Wan nodded and sniffed, like he was trying not to cry. Sheena had a feeling he’d been doing a lot of that lately. “Is Tessara here?”

“Tessie couldn’t make it,” Sheena explained. “Some of her students had their initiate trials. She tried to get away, believe me.” The Jedi, who frowned upon “attachment,” weren’t exactly accommodating for bereavement.

Obi-Wan nodded again.

“What happened, Obi-Wan?” Sheena pulled back and searched Obi-Wan’s face. He looked impossibly weary, like a boy forced into manhood too quickly. “I heard something about a boy Qui-Gon found on Tatooine and a Sith Lord…?”

Obi-Wan slumped and looked even more worn that before. “I’d rather not talk about it right now, Master Sheena.”

“Drop the ‘Master’ business,” Sheena ordered fondly. “I understand we’re equals now.” She touched his cheek with one hand. “Who cut your braid?”

“Master Windu,” Obi-Wan whispered, eyes fixed on the ground. “I would have had you do it if you’d been here.” His breath hitched. “It all happened so fast.”

Sheena hugged Obi-Wan again, mostly so he wouldn’t see how close she was to losing it. Sometimes Sheena had kidded Qui-Gon that he would live forever. He seemed to come home from every mission bruised or burned or otherwise put through the wringer, only to slap some bacta on it and go right back into the field.

And now he was gone.

Obi-Wan pulled back and looked out at the courtyard. Sheena followed his lead.

“Thank you for coming, Mast—Sheena,” Obi-Wan said.

Sheena nudged his shoulder. “Least I could do for my second favorite Padawan.”

Obi-Wan smiled a little at the old joke.

A young boy and a tall, lanky amphibian dashed across the stone floor.

“That’s him.” Obi-Wan pointed to a sandy-haired boy dashing across the stone floor. “Anakin. The boy Qui-Gon found.”

“Who’s that with him?” Sheena’s gaze followed amphibian dogging at Anakin’s heels.

“Jar Jar.” Obi-Wan didn’t even attempt to hide his contempt.

Sheena turned to her fellow Jedi with raised eyebrows. “Not a friend of yours?”

“Another of Qui-Gon’s pathetic life forms.”

Sheena chuckled. “He had a lot of those, didn’t he?” Qui-Gon had always felt a strong connection to all living things—a connection that tried his Padawan’s patience.

“He did,” Obi-Wan agreed with a small, sad smile. “I was one of them.”

Sheena cleared her throat. “Um, I have something here.” She dug into the pocket of her robe and handed Obi-Wan a holoprojector. “Qui-Gon gave this to me a while ago. He said if anything ever happened to him before you were knighted I should give it to you.”

The young Jedi looked at the device in his hand. “What’s on it?”

Sheena shook her head. “I don’t know.”

.

.

.

For the next three weeks, the projector sat on Obi-Wan’s desk.

Curious as he was about whatever message Qui-Gon had left, Obi-Wan couldn’t bring himself to view it. Just _thinking_ about his Master still made Obi-Wan want to cry. And he hadn’t had much time to watch it anyway. Anakin was always around demanding every ounce of attention Obi-Wan had.

But Anakin wasn’t around today. He’d gone on some field trip with one of his classes and wouldn’t be back until close to dinner.

_That’s plenty of time._

With a frustrated sigh, Obi-Wan grabbed the projector—and then dropped it back on the desk like it was on fire.

_I can’t do this._

_Not alone._

Obi-Wan picked up his communicator. “Sheena? Are you free?”

_“I am. What’s going on?”_

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. “The recording you gave me…could you come watch it with me?”

Sheena paused. _“No, no, Obi-Wan. Whatever’s on there is between you and Qui-Gon.”_

“Please,” Obi-Wan all but begged. “I can’t watch it by myself.”

_“OK,”_ Sheena acquiesced. _“OK. I’ll be right there.”_

.

.

.

When Sheena arrived, Obi-Wan had already placed the projector on the kitchen table. He let her in without a word, sat down, and played the recording before he could talk himself out of it again.

A bluish image of Qui-Gon sitting in a chair flickered to life. _“Obi-Wan,”_ the image said. _“My Padawan.”_

Tears filled Obi-Wan’s eyes and Sheena rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.

_“If you’re watching this, it means I have passed into the Force before your knighting,”_ the image went on. _“I hope I can say all this to you in person, after your ceremony, but I’ve had a feeling lately that I won’t be with you that long.”_

Sheena’s grip tightened and Obi-Wan blinked. _He knew?_

_“So I’ve given this recording to Sheena in the event I’m not here to tell you face to face. I want you to know…”_ Qui-Gon looked down, drew a breath, and looked back up. _“I want you to know that I love you, Padawan mine.”_

_Padawn mine._ A tear Obi-Wan couldn’t hold back slid down his cheek.

_“When I took you as my apprentice, as I’m sure you remember, I was a broken and bitter man. I had never moved past my grief over Xanatos. In the early days of our relationship I forced hyou to pay the price for his actions. You trusted me so freely, but I didn’t trust you in return. You didn’t deserve that, and I am so sorry._

_“You gave me something to live for. You changed me.”_ Qui-Gon shook his head. _“No, you saved me. You helped me out of the hole I had crawled into and you saved me from myself. The loss of an apprentice is the most painful thing that can happen to a Master. I hope you never have to experience it.”_

Obi-Wan thought of Anakin. They hadn’t been together very long, didn’t even know each other that well, but already the idea of anything happening to Anakin made Obi-Wan’s heart hurt.

_“But I would go through it all again,”_ Qui-Gon said softly. _“I’d gladly go through another Xanatos, if that was the price I had to pay for knowing you would follow.”_

_Please stop, Master,_ Obi-Wan pleaded silently. _I can’t take much more._

But Qui-Gon didn’t stop. _“One day, I hope you will take a Padawan of your own. You will have much to offer as a teacher. You have strength and power and wisdom.”_ Qui-Gon gave a rueful smile. _“Much more wisdom than I have, in many ways.”_

_Oh, Master,_ Obi-Wan thought. _I’ll never be half the Jedi you were._

_“But the most important thing you have, Padawan, is love.”_

Obi-Wan wiped his eyes and willed the tears back.

Qui-Gon went on. _“Love your apprentice. Not simply as your student, but as a fellow living being. Care for the being first, and you will also care for the student. The most important gift you can give your Padawan is the comfort of your arms and the greatest lesson you can teach is that you are a safe place for his heart.”_

Obi-Wan sat perfectly still, memorizing his old Master’s every word. He remembered falling asleep on the way home from a mission and waking to find Qui-Gon’s robe draped over him. The times Qui-Gon had cared for him during illness or following an injury. Even a few times when Qui-Gon had been ailing too, he always made sure Obi-Wan was comfortable. The times Qui-Gon had chased away nightmares, pushing the terror to the back of Obi-Wan’s mind and staying close by until Obi-Wan could go back to sleep. Qui-Gon never dismissed or made light of his apprentice's troubles, instead guiding him through until Obi-Wan had mastered his fear.

That had made Qui-Gon a cut above the rest, Obi-Wan realized. Not his knowledge of the Force. His knowledge of the heart.

_“Love everyone, even those who would kill you,”_ Qui-Gon’s hologram said. _“For love is the most powerful weapon a Jedi can wield. It is sharper that a lightsaber, stronger than the Force itself. If you do not have love—even for the most pathetic life forms—”_

Through his grief, Obi-Wan laughed.

_“You will have nothing,”_ Qui-Gon continued. _“You can fell an enemy with your lightsaber; you can change his heart with your love. The heart is where peace is truly won.”_

Obi-Wan’s tears had begun to fall in earnest.

“Do you want me to turn it off?” Sheena asked, her hand moving to stroke his hair.

Obi-Wan shook his head. If he didn’t finish watching now, he never would.

_“Love is painful,”_ Qui-Gon’s recording went on without mercy. _“If you love your Padawan, rest assured he will break your heart. Perhaps in one large blow, perhaps in many small ones, but it will happen. You may find it tempting to hold him at arm’s length and not let him in too close. You will want to protect yourself. But I can attest, that is a much worse option. You will shield yourself from pain, yes, but you will also deny yourself joy. One day you will realize you cannot feel anything anymore. Trust me, Obi-Wan. That is a much worse fate._

_“If you close yourself off to pain, you will also close yourself off from joy. The joy of seeing your student learn and watching him grow. Nothing can compare to the pride you will feel as you watch him master a new skill or handle a difficult situation with wisdom beyond his years. As much as he will worry and weary you, your apprentice will also delight you in ways you cannot imagine._

_“You taught me all of this, Obi-Wan. I did not truly understand it, not until you came into my life. I cannot thank you enough for showing me love when I least deserved it. Remember these things. Whatever may befall you in this life, please don't forget this, my last lesson to you.”_

Even on the hologram, Obi-Wan could see Qui-Gon’s eyes mist over. _“I fear I must now bid you farewell, my beloved Padawan. Until we meet again, may the Force be with you.”_

Obi-Wan’s hand reached reflexively toward the hologram just as it blinked off. His fist closed around thin air and the dam finally broke. Tears Obi-Wan had valiantly held back for weeks finally rushed forth in a flood too strong to control.

“Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan.” Sheena knelt down and wrapped both arms around Obi-Wan’s shoulders, tugging him off the chair to kneel beside her on the floor.

“I miss him,” Obi-Wan gasped. “I know I shouldn’t—”

“Stop that,” Sheena said firmly. “However much we try to convince ourselves otherwise, Jedi aren’t machines. I’d be worried if you weren’t crying right now.”

A tortured laugh made its way through Obi-Wan’s sobs. “You sound just like him.”

A hand smoothed over Obi-Wan’s hair and came to rest on the back of his neck. “He taught us both.”

Obi-Wan hugged Sheena back as hard as he could. “I never even got to say goodbye.”

Sheena held on tighter. “I didn’t either.” Her voice was choked and Obi-Wan felt a wash of shame for how he’d been acting. Many people would miss Qui-Gon.

“I loved him.” Obi-Wan pressed his face into Sheena’s tunic as the tears continued.

“He knew, sweetheart,” Sheena assured. “Believe me. He knew.”

.

.

.

The familiar presence outside jerked Obi-Wan out of his meditative state. He opened his eyes just as the door whooshed open and Anakin entered the living space.

“Master?” Anakin dropped his satchel and rushed to kneel in front of Obi-Wan, concern spiking in their bond and shining in Anakin’s eyes. “Master, you’re sad. What’s wrong?”

Obi-Wan’s tears had dried long ago and he’d spent the couple hours since Sheena left meditating, but he knew he must still look a fright. Even if he didn’t, Anakin could surely feel the remnants of his Master’s distress.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Anakin asked urgently.

_Love your apprentice._ Obi-Wan thought back to all the times lately that he’d been unnecessarily harsh with Anakin, or cold toward him, or distant from him. It was time to set all that right.

Obi-Wan pushed himself off the floor to sit on the couch and reached out to pull Anakin down to his lap. The boy didn’t resist, slowly folding himself into the embrace and leaning his forehead into the crook of his Master’s neck. Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment and just enjoyed the human contact he hadn’t even realized he needed.

“I love you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said quietly.

A tendril of uncertainty, accompanied by joy and relief, filtered through their Force bond.

“Never think I don’t,” Obi-Wan went on, his voice stronger. “No matter what happens, no matter how we may test each other. Never, ever think I do not love you.” He gave his Padawan a little squeeze. “I do. Nothing will ever change that.”

Anakin nodded slowly. “Master?”

“Yes?”

Anakin wriggled loose and planted a kiss on Obi-Wan’s cheek. “I love you too.” He curled back onto Obi-Wan’s chest and nestled in like he’d been doing it all his life. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

If Obi-Wan hadn’t cried all his tears earlier, his eyes might have gotten wet.

Obi-Wan felt a gentle push in his mind as Anakin probed at his end of the bond. After a moment’s hesitation, Obi-Wan let his shields fall and for the first time left himself completely open to his apprentice. Anakin’s concern and love tumbled through, and when Obi-Wan caught the emotions and sent his own back the boy gave an exuberant giggle.

The still-forming bond glowed like firelight in a snowstorm and the warmth spread, melting the ice that had formed around Obi-Wan’s spirit. It was like coming back to life.

“I’m here, Master. Everything’s OK,” Anakin said with a child’s confidence.

Obi-Wan rested his cheek on Anakin’s hair and smiled. Really smiled. _It is, isn’t it?_

Anakin jumped at hearing his Master’s voice in his head.

“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan apologized. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

“It’s OK.” Anakin nuzzled closer. “I like it.”

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, wishing he could suspend time and hold his Padawan for all eternity.

Obi-Wan had lost his Master. Anakin had lost everything. But even in all the pain, maybe they had each gained something too.

**Author's Note:**

> Quotes I used for inspiration...
> 
> "And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." - I Corinthians 13:2, New King James Version
> 
> “There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” - CS Lewis


End file.
